One of his korean friends told me, that koreans, instead of our way of the 40 days after someone’s passing on, they do it after 100 days.
A hundred days…
The longest time we didnt talk since I knew him was 2 months… rough months. And now… it’s been more than that.
I still cry… I dont think that will ever stop. I cry when I’m alone, when I’m in the shower… or somewhere no one can see me… or hear me. And today, as if someone up there knows I’ve been trying to keep it together for awhile now, that I will breakdown today, today I am left alone at home. I cry alone… not because I dont want everyone around me when I do… I cry alone cos when I do… I cry… with sobs… I wail… I call for him. It’s ironic how I would usually pacify a crying child… I usually just brush off crying and tell them to say bye-bye tears. I wish I could tell that myself sometimes… those crying times. Cos when I start… it’s always hard to stop.
I miss him terribly… just read a friend’s reply telling me to just talk to him. It’s probably something I would have told someone after I lost dad, keep on talking to them cos theyre around. And now… how come it feels so sad… knowing he’s around but I cant talk to him, that I can’t hear him, that I cant even find out how he is. It’s not as comforting as how I thought it be.
I go on everyday asking… why did he leave me. They say it best… u dont get over that lonely feeling, u just get used to it.
I dont think I have fully realized everything, that he’s gone… and everyday is a painful reminder, a painful realization that he is. It’s like being awake to a nightmare, only to realize it is a nightmare. I wake up everyday with a reminder of you, of what I lost, and what it feels like loosing you.
They say everything happens for a reason, that our life comes in full circle. How come I feel so lost. There’s a lot of uncertainties… but more than the uncertainties… it’s the feeling of til when. Til when will I be wandering around uncertain. How long til I know the reason behind this, if there is such.
No more pains. That, I always keep on mind. He’s no longer bound by the physical restrictions of this life. There’s no cancer in heaven.
I want you to be happy… that’s the only reason I go on everyday. I dont want u to keep on being hurt, just cos im hurting. I dont want u to feel pain just cause im in pain. And no matter how selfish I am wanting u near, I dont want u to not move on just cos im holding on.
I’m scared… the song asks, “would u know my name, if I saw u in heaven?”. If there’s one request from me before you go, please, please, please, dont forget me even in heaven.
Everyone just please say a prayer or two for Mark today.
8.12.2009
4.28.2009
S3cr3t k33p3r… REALLY NOW?!
I got an itch. Something that has to do with telling someone something, but obviously I can’t. … I stumbled upon some INTERESTING news-ish secret-ish ISH recently… and dang! Now that I know it… I dont know if I really did want to know about it… or maybe it shouldve remain a secret.
Thing is, maybe I am talking about things now since it does not directly involve me. Well to be honest, I’m no major role player in this ish. To be honest, if this was a maalala mo kaya episode, I dont think I’d even deserve to have a character in the story. Wahahaha.
But see I’m a gurl… and gurls are expected to be inquisitive. Eeerrr intregeras! Wahahahaha
I take a look at my very colorful life and as I think about it I realize… I happen to have a handful of secrets. To be fair, I think I have kept mum about a handful of them. BUT!!! To be honest, really I think the secrets remain secrets BECAUSE I FORGET ABOUT THEM.! SO IT JUST MEANS that when I do remember the secret, I tend to blurt it out right away. Hahahaha. Like someone who had amnesia getting their memory back for the first time. Wahahaha. On the other hand, u know when the secret is so fresh, I tend to be restless about it. And so! I do squeal about the secret. BUT! I squeal about them in different sets of friends. Let’s say a HS barkada tells me something, I tend to share it to my college barkada, get it? Wahahaha. So really, I dont keep the secret.
Here’s the point of this… I just recently found out a secret. And ive been constantly surrounded by peeps from the group I should keep the secret from and IT’S HAAARRRDDDD!!!!
I hope I forget about this already. I wish I forget about it already. I wish I wish I wish!!! Secret don’t follow me!
Thing is, maybe I am talking about things now since it does not directly involve me. Well to be honest, I’m no major role player in this ish. To be honest, if this was a maalala mo kaya episode, I dont think I’d even deserve to have a character in the story. Wahahaha.
But see I’m a gurl… and gurls are expected to be inquisitive. Eeerrr intregeras! Wahahahaha
I take a look at my very colorful life and as I think about it I realize… I happen to have a handful of secrets. To be fair, I think I have kept mum about a handful of them. BUT!!! To be honest, really I think the secrets remain secrets BECAUSE I FORGET ABOUT THEM.! SO IT JUST MEANS that when I do remember the secret, I tend to blurt it out right away. Hahahaha. Like someone who had amnesia getting their memory back for the first time. Wahahaha. On the other hand, u know when the secret is so fresh, I tend to be restless about it. And so! I do squeal about the secret. BUT! I squeal about them in different sets of friends. Let’s say a HS barkada tells me something, I tend to share it to my college barkada, get it? Wahahaha. So really, I dont keep the secret.
Here’s the point of this… I just recently found out a secret. And ive been constantly surrounded by peeps from the group I should keep the secret from and IT’S HAAARRRDDDD!!!!
I hope I forget about this already. I wish I forget about it already. I wish I wish I wish!!! Secret don’t follow me!
3.11.2009
MAY 9, 2004 (if you have time, please read this)
Was the day that Mark and I officially (how showbiz) got together. I remember to this day the feeling, it was a very, very good day. Such wonderful feelings. … one of the best days of this lifetime. It was one of those days when the cheesiest of all the cheesiness was following me around. I remember butterflies everywhere, in my stomach, around me, in my thoughts, and in my dreams. Such good feelings and such good memories of being (ready?… ) INLOVE!
Admittedly, I have stopped retelling people of everything that’s been going on. After the first year, the first break up… after sharing to everybody all the firsts. I just felt that our love story was losing its flo and it was time for me to shut up about it. It was starting to be a relationship, with all the twists and turns, and all the hoolabaloos.
Amidst all the fights and all the drama, we are still together. (with or without all the break-ups in between) He is my person. Now, then, and ever since…
I know this may come out of the blue but I am again sharing because I will ask all of you a favor or two. Just recently, I found out that he, my person--- Mark, has cancer. Colon cancer. For a while I have been trying to brave through everything with just our family’s support. Just like in the case when it was with dad, I find it hard to confide in everybody about serious, sensitive matters like this. If you know me, you’d know that I believe so much in that notion of baka maudlot. I guess I kept on putting that on my head and that had made me to just really stop talking… and now I realize, ano ba ang mauudlot?.
It took me a lot of strength to confide in my family, about him and about everything. And it is taking me that same strength now to put everything in words. Yet, I am a person of our generation and I do believe in the power of internet. And of prayers. And so I am asking everyone, close to me and him, and everyone else who will come across my page, to please pray for Mark and his recovery. Consider me an american idol ala jasmine trias asking all filipinos and everyone else to vote for her to be the idol. But this is a little different, there’s no text votes or anything, I am just asking for a little time each day that you include him in your prayers.
In times like this, I know that not everyone could not be with us, but I do believe that through all your prayers, you all make your presences FELT. Thank you very much everyone.
Admittedly, I have stopped retelling people of everything that’s been going on. After the first year, the first break up… after sharing to everybody all the firsts. I just felt that our love story was losing its flo and it was time for me to shut up about it. It was starting to be a relationship, with all the twists and turns, and all the hoolabaloos.
Amidst all the fights and all the drama, we are still together. (with or without all the break-ups in between) He is my person. Now, then, and ever since…
I know this may come out of the blue but I am again sharing because I will ask all of you a favor or two. Just recently, I found out that he, my person--- Mark, has cancer. Colon cancer. For a while I have been trying to brave through everything with just our family’s support. Just like in the case when it was with dad, I find it hard to confide in everybody about serious, sensitive matters like this. If you know me, you’d know that I believe so much in that notion of baka maudlot. I guess I kept on putting that on my head and that had made me to just really stop talking… and now I realize, ano ba ang mauudlot?.
It took me a lot of strength to confide in my family, about him and about everything. And it is taking me that same strength now to put everything in words. Yet, I am a person of our generation and I do believe in the power of internet. And of prayers. And so I am asking everyone, close to me and him, and everyone else who will come across my page, to please pray for Mark and his recovery. Consider me an american idol ala jasmine trias asking all filipinos and everyone else to vote for her to be the idol. But this is a little different, there’s no text votes or anything, I am just asking for a little time each day that you include him in your prayers.
In times like this, I know that not everyone could not be with us, but I do believe that through all your prayers, you all make your presences FELT. Thank you very much everyone.
1.05.2009
2212 Friends
No matter how drunk, wasted, all sweaty and danced out or anything else, we clean up. Whether it’s a house party or we’re crashing someone’s room, count on my friends to practice CLAY GO- Clean As You Go. It’s as if we were raised living on American fast food, imagine drunk gurls cleaning up after their mess, picking up every bottle, can, or cap, and even the suka-supots to stack them in the nearest garbage.
We are each others’ boyfriends. We all went to an exclusive, ALL-GIRL, CATHOLIC school. So you can just imagine that for the longest time we had each others’ backs. We look out for each other, we were all inseparable. We can stay all day together at school, talk on the phone afterwards, and then to top it all spend weekends together.
We all understand each other’s body language and will GET what each LOOK means. Down to the . or !
We are all GROWING up with each other. Growing not just physically or in numbers, but age-ing all together. We don’t constantly need to be around each other, but we know that no matter what time zones (whether in Manila or out… of Manila… or out there somewhere?!) we are all in each other’s radars for times of comforts and companionship.
We all GO together. The only question is when, what time (what country and who’s time are we following?) , and we’re there. We may not all jump on the cliff but count on all of us to be there before, during, and, after the fall.
We are each other’s assassinator. What did he do? What do you want us to do about it? Where does he hang out? Is this his car? Is that the girl?.. And more importantly, is that his place?
We have our own support group. Ok, is that him? … do you love him? Does he make you happy? Do we see that he makes you happy?… Ok fine, welcome to the family. BUT! Is that him?! Do you love him?.. Hmm… Does he make you happy? … Uh-huh… Do WE see that HE MAKES you happy?… Ahhh… ok until when do we have to put up with this?
There’s only 2 ways we know how to go about a problem… Eat? Drink? Or all of the above? :D
We won’t back down on a dare. Butchi anyone? Blowing bubbles? Fries on the stage? Birthday corner (!!!)
We’re very sorry but if you happen to catch a movie and you see us there, for your own sake, please try to understand that it will be best for you to catch the next screening. Please consider this a warning.
We are each other’s pimp! That skirt is too short, that blouse appears too sweet, your make-up should be bonggang bongga! OR! Do you have the number? O anong problema? … May girlfriend ba?… Ah ganon ba... Eh girlfriend lang pala di pa kasal! Ha-ha.
Conspiracy theory is a term custom-made for us. Huh? Do I know them? Do I know you? Are you talking to me? Nasan ako?!
If we had it our way, we all would have been married to ball players... that is if loyalty and stalkerbility counts as wifeable material to them.
We are each other’s Confucius. Wisdom was not only of a junior year’s section but it’s something that we take seriously... Seriously, you’re eating too much. Seriously, you’re not eating. Seriously, it’s time you look into a mirror, let’s go shopping!
We put life on the words Smile for picture.
Stories are never repetitive, cos every chikka session elicits a whole new round of stories and laughter. Remember G double O D good? How about our science-lab-turned-classroom-days? Or what about Super blag? K Kids? Or who was that kid that pooped in his pants and thus the infamous nickname?
Count on our own families (as in our moms, dads, brothers, and sisters) to know all of us by face and sometimes (if your lucky) by names. And if you catch them on a good day, you always get the question… tan dan dan dan… Do you have a boyfriend na?
A spat is a spat is a spat.. And just like a red SSSSPAT of a pen on a clean sheet of paper, you can always just fix it with a liquid paper (it may come in brush strokes or tape form). Or if you shake it like a polaroid picture, it will eventually go away and a beautiful picture will eventually be where it should be. A groups of friends all growing together and still finding each other amid life’s hang-ups.
We all share fond childhood, ICAM memories together. Batibot? The numerous chaperoned, wholesome excursions… and the infamous, meeting/ lova-palooza at the back of the classroom with our respective young love sweetheart partners.
We come in groups and we battle in troops. May it be an ex-boyfriend/ ex-fling/ ex-boilette slash the enemy war. Or a life-altering this-is-what-life’s-all-about event, we are there. Maybe lately less in numbers, but in spirit, we are there like gamo-gamos around a bright light bulb on a hot summer night.
Once you’re in, you can never can go out! Take a pick JF2? GASP? Or GM (wherever they may be)?
We are each others’ boyfriends. We all went to an exclusive, ALL-GIRL, CATHOLIC school. So you can just imagine that for the longest time we had each others’ backs. We look out for each other, we were all inseparable. We can stay all day together at school, talk on the phone afterwards, and then to top it all spend weekends together.
We all understand each other’s body language and will GET what each LOOK means. Down to the . or !
We are all GROWING up with each other. Growing not just physically or in numbers, but age-ing all together. We don’t constantly need to be around each other, but we know that no matter what time zones (whether in Manila or out… of Manila… or out there somewhere?!) we are all in each other’s radars for times of comforts and companionship.
We all GO together. The only question is when, what time (what country and who’s time are we following?) , and we’re there. We may not all jump on the cliff but count on all of us to be there before, during, and, after the fall.
We are each other’s assassinator. What did he do? What do you want us to do about it? Where does he hang out? Is this his car? Is that the girl?.. And more importantly, is that his place?
We have our own support group. Ok, is that him? … do you love him? Does he make you happy? Do we see that he makes you happy?… Ok fine, welcome to the family. BUT! Is that him?! Do you love him?.. Hmm… Does he make you happy? … Uh-huh… Do WE see that HE MAKES you happy?… Ahhh… ok until when do we have to put up with this?
There’s only 2 ways we know how to go about a problem… Eat? Drink? Or all of the above? :D
We won’t back down on a dare. Butchi anyone? Blowing bubbles? Fries on the stage? Birthday corner (!!!)
We’re very sorry but if you happen to catch a movie and you see us there, for your own sake, please try to understand that it will be best for you to catch the next screening. Please consider this a warning.
We are each other’s pimp! That skirt is too short, that blouse appears too sweet, your make-up should be bonggang bongga! OR! Do you have the number? O anong problema? … May girlfriend ba?… Ah ganon ba... Eh girlfriend lang pala di pa kasal! Ha-ha.
Conspiracy theory is a term custom-made for us. Huh? Do I know them? Do I know you? Are you talking to me? Nasan ako?!
If we had it our way, we all would have been married to ball players... that is if loyalty and stalkerbility counts as wifeable material to them.
We are each other’s Confucius. Wisdom was not only of a junior year’s section but it’s something that we take seriously... Seriously, you’re eating too much. Seriously, you’re not eating. Seriously, it’s time you look into a mirror, let’s go shopping!
We put life on the words Smile for picture.
Stories are never repetitive, cos every chikka session elicits a whole new round of stories and laughter. Remember G double O D good? How about our science-lab-turned-classroom-days? Or what about Super blag? K Kids? Or who was that kid that pooped in his pants and thus the infamous nickname?
Count on our own families (as in our moms, dads, brothers, and sisters) to know all of us by face and sometimes (if your lucky) by names. And if you catch them on a good day, you always get the question… tan dan dan dan… Do you have a boyfriend na?
A spat is a spat is a spat.. And just like a red SSSSPAT of a pen on a clean sheet of paper, you can always just fix it with a liquid paper (it may come in brush strokes or tape form). Or if you shake it like a polaroid picture, it will eventually go away and a beautiful picture will eventually be where it should be. A groups of friends all growing together and still finding each other amid life’s hang-ups.
We all share fond childhood, ICAM memories together. Batibot? The numerous chaperoned, wholesome excursions… and the infamous, meeting/ lova-palooza at the back of the classroom with our respective young love sweetheart partners.
We come in groups and we battle in troops. May it be an ex-boyfriend/ ex-fling/ ex-boilette slash the enemy war. Or a life-altering this-is-what-life’s-all-about event, we are there. Maybe lately less in numbers, but in spirit, we are there like gamo-gamos around a bright light bulb on a hot summer night.
Once you’re in, you can never can go out! Take a pick JF2? GASP? Or GM (wherever they may be)?
10.05.2008
baking 101
It’s been a loong while since I last baked. Back at NY I used to bake in the winter nights because the heat from the oven was always something to look forward to when it’s snowing and breezy outside. I also had my two eager nieces then, jules and nina, to cheer me on and to “help” me, no matter what the outcome will be. But even then, we always just use to bake those batters from the grocery. You see here, there’s about a handful of those ready to bake batters. From brownies, to croissants, to biscuits, and ofcourse the ever so famous cookie dough. It seems like in here, everything is just ready and baking really meant that you have an oven at home.
Back at home, I used to bake when I have the blues. Baking and shoe shopping has always been a cure to chase those blues away. And since im anticipating a good thanksgiving sale this year, I am holding on to my shopping sprees and just settled to bake tonight.
And now! I have not been baking because a) I dont have my eager pamangkins here who will for sure be great fans of whatever I come up with. (Heck! Sometimes even with just the batter alone they are fine with that already!) b) I dont have my PG friends, who will always love me and my cookies no matter what and! c) I dont have LIINNNAAA here, so that means I do the baking and the cleaning up afterwards. Yep, all three put together, it’s all a no, no, and no thank you!
But since, I think WORK, family, and all those personal craps calls for it, I decided to use up the remaining of my weekend to bake just cause I dont want to do things I might regret later on… like buying something I dont need (ha! What did u think!)
Now, my horoscope said I should try something that’s unknown to me because then they will not turn out to be… drumroll please, known! (onga naman!) And so, taking inspiration from that, I tried on a new recipe. I decided on triple chocolate muffins! You see the hardest part about baking for me is the waiting part. Nevermind that we dint have an electric beater and that the hand beater that I used bailed out on me midway through the whole mixing process… what’s really the hardest part is those 15 or so minutes that you wait for the oven to do the miracle on your masterpiece.
So here goes batch 1.
Well I told you already, Jam kept on calling them brownies. I personally think (which ate ting agrees on) they looked like a ghetto version of kababayans.
Well batch 2 is a lil bit better, maybe because I dressed them up this time.
Don’t be fooled. It’s good! Hahaha ofcourse, id say that!
Back at home, I used to bake when I have the blues. Baking and shoe shopping has always been a cure to chase those blues away. And since im anticipating a good thanksgiving sale this year, I am holding on to my shopping sprees and just settled to bake tonight.
And now! I have not been baking because a) I dont have my eager pamangkins here who will for sure be great fans of whatever I come up with. (Heck! Sometimes even with just the batter alone they are fine with that already!) b) I dont have my PG friends, who will always love me and my cookies no matter what and! c) I dont have LIINNNAAA here, so that means I do the baking and the cleaning up afterwards. Yep, all three put together, it’s all a no, no, and no thank you!
But since, I think WORK, family, and all those personal craps calls for it, I decided to use up the remaining of my weekend to bake just cause I dont want to do things I might regret later on… like buying something I dont need (ha! What did u think!)
Now, my horoscope said I should try something that’s unknown to me because then they will not turn out to be… drumroll please, known! (onga naman!) And so, taking inspiration from that, I tried on a new recipe. I decided on triple chocolate muffins! You see the hardest part about baking for me is the waiting part. Nevermind that we dint have an electric beater and that the hand beater that I used bailed out on me midway through the whole mixing process… what’s really the hardest part is those 15 or so minutes that you wait for the oven to do the miracle on your masterpiece.
So here goes batch 1.
Well I told you already, Jam kept on calling them brownies. I personally think (which ate ting agrees on) they looked like a ghetto version of kababayans.
Well batch 2 is a lil bit better, maybe because I dressed them up this time.
Don’t be fooled. It’s good! Hahaha ofcourse, id say that!
9.25.2008
for the 1st time
I was sitting with Boogie today waiting for my brother’s 5:50 train. As I pulled on an empty spot I instantly spotted an anxious family as if wanting to pickup someone from an airport. Daddy leading the trail, seemingly very, very eager, mommy in tow, and then the front seat girls. All of them looking like a happy family, excited to see someone. For a while, they were off my eyes as they walked near the train tracks and I sat with Boogie. Like usual, as soon as I hear the train from afar I rush to get a closer spot near the track.
That’s when I instantly spotted the family again, all looking like restless dogs eager to get their treat. They were a nice sight in the midst of rushing yuppies and corporate peoples. And there I was thinking, they sure are excited because I was betting on them picking up someone from the San Diego train and it wasn’t there yet! But sure enough, Daddy started pointing from the other side. I follow their line of sight immediately to a gap on the train with people pouring out. I got it wrong, maybe they are waiting for someone from the same train as my brother. Daddy still being the leader that he was was in front of the pack, checking on schedules, looking around, walking around. He was very excited, very eager. They did divide and conquer, mommy went for the stairs, the sisters stayed looking on to the other side, and daddy in the middle as if getting ready for their mystery pick up person to appear from anywhere.
I missed to spot my brother as I was busy watching the family. And soon enough, their mystery pickup person appear from the crowd going the stairs. He was not hard to miss as you see his cheering squad from downstairs all beaming happy, waving proudly at him. I see a boy, looking like my brother, clad in office clothes, nothing special yet unique because of his loving family. I see their dad staying where he was standing as everyone rushed to greet the not-so-mystery pickup person. Mommy and sisters gave him hugs all gushing on him like he was a movie star (I double checked, no he’s not). And dad acting cool for a while (so typical, as if he wasn’t as excited as everyone!!!) and then gave him a hug and that nice father-son pat. Something I’ve always witness my dad do to my brothers.
My brother walked in in the middle of me being mesmerized with the family, with their daddy most especially. My kuya asks me who was there I reply no one I know as I wipe off a tear and zone back to life.
Amidst my long story, I realize right then and there one thing. I was jealous. For the first time in my adult life I realize something is missing in my life. Something I outright feel bad over not having. It’s not something tangible, not something attainable, not a toy, not a treat, not anything. I felt jealous, and I felt bad over not having a dad. Over not having MY dad.
Damn I miss my dad, so much.
That’s when I instantly spotted the family again, all looking like restless dogs eager to get their treat. They were a nice sight in the midst of rushing yuppies and corporate peoples. And there I was thinking, they sure are excited because I was betting on them picking up someone from the San Diego train and it wasn’t there yet! But sure enough, Daddy started pointing from the other side. I follow their line of sight immediately to a gap on the train with people pouring out. I got it wrong, maybe they are waiting for someone from the same train as my brother. Daddy still being the leader that he was was in front of the pack, checking on schedules, looking around, walking around. He was very excited, very eager. They did divide and conquer, mommy went for the stairs, the sisters stayed looking on to the other side, and daddy in the middle as if getting ready for their mystery pick up person to appear from anywhere.
I missed to spot my brother as I was busy watching the family. And soon enough, their mystery pickup person appear from the crowd going the stairs. He was not hard to miss as you see his cheering squad from downstairs all beaming happy, waving proudly at him. I see a boy, looking like my brother, clad in office clothes, nothing special yet unique because of his loving family. I see their dad staying where he was standing as everyone rushed to greet the not-so-mystery pickup person. Mommy and sisters gave him hugs all gushing on him like he was a movie star (I double checked, no he’s not). And dad acting cool for a while (so typical, as if he wasn’t as excited as everyone!!!) and then gave him a hug and that nice father-son pat. Something I’ve always witness my dad do to my brothers.
My brother walked in in the middle of me being mesmerized with the family, with their daddy most especially. My kuya asks me who was there I reply no one I know as I wipe off a tear and zone back to life.
Amidst my long story, I realize right then and there one thing. I was jealous. For the first time in my adult life I realize something is missing in my life. Something I outright feel bad over not having. It’s not something tangible, not something attainable, not a toy, not a treat, not anything. I felt jealous, and I felt bad over not having a dad. Over not having MY dad.
Damn I miss my dad, so much.
9.14.2008
SUMMER 08
I went with the flow and was bullied into watching a concert feeling half baked over it. Why? 1. I really dint like the guy that much, 2. Tickets seemed a bit overprice for him.
BUT!
I was surprise as soon as the lights were off and out came this guy…
HE WAS HOT. And F’in-ly AWESOME. He played the whole night switching between A LOT (well I really couldnt keep up with how many exactly) of guitars and oh! Singing also ofcourse!
Except for that little detail that he makes those really disturbing facial expressions the whole time he was playing, he was really, surprisingly AMAZING! He was a rock star and I dint even know it til then. I mean yeah I liked him after his first album, but he always just struck me as the guy you play on your car when your on the road but you dont really CRASH on him.
Well I dint go home that night CRASHING on him… well almost, especially on the part he took his top off and showed his bad ass body with matching tattoos!
I dint know he was A BAD BOY! Ha-ha!
And then...
I went to see this guy.
DAMN. I. Was. Disappointed. Except for rocking an all white outfit and his first few songs, then that’s it.
I went home boo-hooed! ONE WORD MAROON 5… Nothing Lasts Forever!!!
BUT!
I was surprise as soon as the lights were off and out came this guy…
HE WAS HOT. And F’in-ly AWESOME. He played the whole night switching between A LOT (well I really couldnt keep up with how many exactly) of guitars and oh! Singing also ofcourse!
Except for that little detail that he makes those really disturbing facial expressions the whole time he was playing, he was really, surprisingly AMAZING! He was a rock star and I dint even know it til then. I mean yeah I liked him after his first album, but he always just struck me as the guy you play on your car when your on the road but you dont really CRASH on him.
Well I dint go home that night CRASHING on him… well almost, especially on the part he took his top off and showed his bad ass body with matching tattoos!
I dint know he was A BAD BOY! Ha-ha!
And then...
I went to see this guy.
DAMN. I. Was. Disappointed. Except for rocking an all white outfit and his first few songs, then that’s it.
I went home boo-hooed! ONE WORD MAROON 5… Nothing Lasts Forever!!!
9/11
Things I miss.. SO MUCH!
1. I miss our AH di da tax tora days.
***Translation: it’s our way of soliciting piso coins from my dad before he leaves the house for work. Imagine me and my brother clad in our jammies following my dad from out of his room to the garage and just singing that. My dad was a tax guy so go figure why we used that term.
2. I miss it when someone gets the BIG talk. Or AKA, it’s when someone’s in trouble, and no matter what happens, dad almost always finds out right away no matter how big or small it is. And no matter how hard you try on pretending to be sleeping or busy with “school work” as soon as you hear dad’s car at the garage you better pray SMB is playing so you won’t get a whole night of TALK. And if you happen to be downstairs still and dad already “SUMMONED” the person in trouble, you better be running for your dear unless you want to have the extended version of the talk.
3. I miss our Sunday jollibee bfasts.
4. I miss going to church with the whole family.
5. I miss seeing my mom glow every after the peace be with you part because he gets a kiss and we dont!
6. I miss seeing mom happy because of just your presence.
7. I miss having to defend a month’s allowance and extracurricular fees just because your an accountant.
8. I miss how you tap your lap every after we pray the rosary and we sing Give Thanks.
9. I miss fighting over the sports section of the paper every morning.
10. I miss curfews and strict overly protected rules.
11. I miss our usual current events conversations because I learn A LOT MORE about it from you than anyone else.
12. I miss celebrating our birthdays together.
13. I miss all of your out of the blue pasalubongs that are well thought of and customized for each and every person in the family. All 12 of us, you get our type and likes to the last detail.
14. I miss your superly organized closet next to mom’s overflowing one.
15. I miss having a hard time going out or asking permission if I can or can not go.
16. I miss monitored and prescreened phone calls.
17. I miss watching PBA by your side.
18. I miss having ice cream for dessert just cos everyone’s at home or SMB won a game!
19. I miss getting a compliment over an aced exam… BEST EVER.
20. I miss family time, getting together to have a talk, to know what’s going on, to find out what the family is going through. To find solutions to have everything out in the open, just because we are a family.
21. I miss the thought that youre around and you always have the solutions and the answers.
22. I miss seeing you waiting at home after a nightout and til everyone’s safely at home.
23. I miss our annual christmas family portraits with everybody, with you most especially.
24. I miss spending christmas, birthdays, graduations, and all other occasions with you around.
9/11 will always be a marked date in everyone’s calendars because of the whole twin towers fiasco. But in my family, it will always be a big day for us because it is our daddy’s birthday.
We miss you dad dearly, now more than ever as we are going through some bumps on the road. I ask, like always, that everyone pray for my dad. And please, please, skip a
1. I miss our AH di da tax tora days.
***Translation: it’s our way of soliciting piso coins from my dad before he leaves the house for work. Imagine me and my brother clad in our jammies following my dad from out of his room to the garage and just singing that. My dad was a tax guy so go figure why we used that term.
2. I miss it when someone gets the BIG talk. Or AKA, it’s when someone’s in trouble, and no matter what happens, dad almost always finds out right away no matter how big or small it is. And no matter how hard you try on pretending to be sleeping or busy with “school work” as soon as you hear dad’s car at the garage you better pray SMB is playing so you won’t get a whole night of TALK. And if you happen to be downstairs still and dad already “SUMMONED” the person in trouble, you better be running for your dear unless you want to have the extended version of the talk.
3. I miss our Sunday jollibee bfasts.
4. I miss going to church with the whole family.
5. I miss seeing my mom glow every after the peace be with you part because he gets a kiss and we dont!
6. I miss seeing mom happy because of just your presence.
7. I miss having to defend a month’s allowance and extracurricular fees just because your an accountant.
8. I miss how you tap your lap every after we pray the rosary and we sing Give Thanks.
9. I miss fighting over the sports section of the paper every morning.
10. I miss curfews and strict overly protected rules.
11. I miss our usual current events conversations because I learn A LOT MORE about it from you than anyone else.
12. I miss celebrating our birthdays together.
13. I miss all of your out of the blue pasalubongs that are well thought of and customized for each and every person in the family. All 12 of us, you get our type and likes to the last detail.
14. I miss your superly organized closet next to mom’s overflowing one.
15. I miss having a hard time going out or asking permission if I can or can not go.
16. I miss monitored and prescreened phone calls.
17. I miss watching PBA by your side.
18. I miss having ice cream for dessert just cos everyone’s at home or SMB won a game!
19. I miss getting a compliment over an aced exam… BEST EVER.
20. I miss family time, getting together to have a talk, to know what’s going on, to find out what the family is going through. To find solutions to have everything out in the open, just because we are a family.
21. I miss the thought that youre around and you always have the solutions and the answers.
22. I miss seeing you waiting at home after a nightout and til everyone’s safely at home.
23. I miss our annual christmas family portraits with everybody, with you most especially.
24. I miss spending christmas, birthdays, graduations, and all other occasions with you around.
9/11 will always be a marked date in everyone’s calendars because of the whole twin towers fiasco. But in my family, it will always be a big day for us because it is our daddy’s birthday.
We miss you dad dearly, now more than ever as we are going through some bumps on the road. I ask, like always, that everyone pray for my dad. And please, please, skip a
9.07.2008
Silv25r
I started today with the littlest of expectations. I am (STILL!) after all celebrating the silver anniversary of that F’ful day when dear Carolina popped out daughter # 11. The day happen to fall on a Sunday so it is just a fitting day for the theme of the year. Going low key. Celebrating with family. A day for prayer and best of all… no work. Ha-ha!
Over the surprises, the drunk-ass nights, or the usual dance marathons that I have been used to celebrating this day with, I had different plans on mind. Well more like, I only planned on doing one thing for today. And that is to celebrate today because I am turning two five.
You ever wake up on your birthday and you just feel everyone’s eye on you? Or you feel that different-ish aura like your semi-floating and excited and just light. That youre just floating around… I feel that every year on my birthday. In fact, I remember there were birthdays when I dint like that feeling that much. I used to hate it when everyone sings happy birthday to you in class. I make a big deal out of my OWN birthday, but when other people make a big deal of it… I feel a bit uneasy to be honest.
This year, I am no longer the brat. Im no longer playing it’s-my-birthday-and-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to. I’m no longer pushing everyone out of the house just so I can have my friends to mess up the house. I’m no longer batting out birthday gift requests to my brothers and sisters. 25 means a clean slate. I remember I was in 3rd grade when my parents celebrated their silver anniversary wedding. And now, I am celebrating my own silver anniversary with just myself. Because this is me, myself, and I’s anniversary.
Clean slate doesnt mean I forget about everyone who’s been with me through all my 24 F’in years that I survived me. But just for this one day, I am just celebrating with myself because I FEEL like it.
*** But for everyone who poured me with drama-ish greetings and by just merely REMEMBERING that September 7 is justine day… YOU ROCK! And you made me feel very very loved. :)
Photo aka: the gang chowing on last minute bupet! Kudos also to my ever reliable sister -in-LOW for taking the pic!
Over the surprises, the drunk-ass nights, or the usual dance marathons that I have been used to celebrating this day with, I had different plans on mind. Well more like, I only planned on doing one thing for today. And that is to celebrate today because I am turning two five.
You ever wake up on your birthday and you just feel everyone’s eye on you? Or you feel that different-ish aura like your semi-floating and excited and just light. That youre just floating around… I feel that every year on my birthday. In fact, I remember there were birthdays when I dint like that feeling that much. I used to hate it when everyone sings happy birthday to you in class. I make a big deal out of my OWN birthday, but when other people make a big deal of it… I feel a bit uneasy to be honest.
This year, I am no longer the brat. Im no longer playing it’s-my-birthday-and-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to. I’m no longer pushing everyone out of the house just so I can have my friends to mess up the house. I’m no longer batting out birthday gift requests to my brothers and sisters. 25 means a clean slate. I remember I was in 3rd grade when my parents celebrated their silver anniversary wedding. And now, I am celebrating my own silver anniversary with just myself. Because this is me, myself, and I’s anniversary.
Clean slate doesnt mean I forget about everyone who’s been with me through all my 24 F’in years that I survived me. But just for this one day, I am just celebrating with myself because I FEEL like it.
*** But for everyone who poured me with drama-ish greetings and by just merely REMEMBERING that September 7 is justine day… YOU ROCK! And you made me feel very very loved. :)
Photo aka: the gang chowing on last minute bupet! Kudos also to my ever reliable sister -in-LOW for taking the pic!
9.04.2008
9. 123 days... HUWUDAPTOT
There’s a cloud following me, bothering me at times and I can only blame September 7 for it. Damdatday!
OFW life (ofw, ocw, a&w, immigrant, hugh grant… who kers? It’s all the same banana!) translates to a non-existent life. You try to blend in as much as you can. You go with the flow til u loose ur mo’ flow. Basta you live just to live… so a birthday is just an ordinary day. Heck! At this part of the world, some people go to work on December 24… so what’s the deal huh! They dint invent scrooge or grinch here for nothing!
But like what I said, it has been bothering me, ONLY AT TIMES. I am fighting it. Really, really. Like right now, I’m half half, part of me is used to it already, part of me is sad.
But I’m thinking… this year, I’m proclaiming all drama this early so that my day will be drama-free.
I’ll start my drama mode on full blast now. Here goes…
This year is when I turn 25… who would’ve thought. Yeah the year of my WHO-WOULD-VE-THOUGHTS!
Who would’ve thought... I’d still be here by now. Here as in here here location, and here here as in on earth. I’m ancient.
Who would’ve thought… I’d get a blue McBugie. Named after Bugay and Mc for MaCho. And yes, it is blue… darkish, navyish, and sometimes greyish (thanks to the dust it accumulates from a nightly sprinkler wash) blue.
Who would’ve thought… I’d be reaching places this early. WOOHOOO. 5, 55, 405… I’ve conquered them all, and more to come! Hahahaha
Who would’ve thought… I’d be celebrating 25 this way. Good or bad, who knows… we shall see.
Who would’ve thought… I’d still be hanging on til now. Who, what, why, when, where… COME ON BABY DO THE LOCOMOTION…
When people go drama, they don’t make sense. So I dont blame you if you dont get this at all. Basta para saken, ito ay isang malaking drama.
On some few days before my birthday… I really don’t know but there’s this feeling chasing me. I dont know whether to blame it on birthday jitters or for something else. But the feeling goes like this.
I feel different. I feel like something is BOUND to happen but I feel it from within me. I smell FREEDOM and feel something cooking up… SOMETHING ABOUT TO START. A part of me is looking forward but a part of me feels tied down. This is a new feeling, havent felt this in a while… and a big part of me is winning on holding on to that feeling. I feel like this is the beginning of the start of endings. I can’t describe it but whenever I say those words, it just describes how I feel. (no matter how redundant it may sound)
I feel it, but I don’t know how I should feel about it. I’m scared yet proud of myself. I’m sad yet looking forward to it. I’m waiting but I know that it shall end.
I know the answer… I’m going bi-polar! Ha. Ha. Ha.
Who would’ve thought… I’d turn MAADD on 25.
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