Halloween 2007

Boo!


Well make it BOOred!


In the Philippines, it’s only just now that people are starting to recognize this occasion. So yes, I admit it, we were deprived of nice fancy costumes and don’t forget that extra kick of candy splurgin’ toothaches! Hands down this holiday would’ve just been about souls and saints.

But not here!




Well you have to give it to my littlest bro... I guess he’s the most deprived of us all! Next to him, our costumes looked OH SO NORMAL!



At the end of the day... i still wished I was home! I miss all of my nieces' and nephews' in-(lola's)house halloween party!!!

But for now, I guess we just have to wait until our little one grows up.


pic aka JO-LIBAG, Cowgurrl, REVran, Barbie gurl (china recall version), and black angel/student cross dresser.

1ndependence

Pagod na ko. Pagod na ko nang walang ginagawa.

I’ve heard some people say that to them reading a book is a waste. A waste of time. Why? Cause life can be happening elsewhere while you are at your bed reading instead of living what could be written. True? I don’t know.

PERSONALLY. You want to know what I think is a waste? It’s doing nothing in nothingness and choosing to stay in nothing land pretending to do nothing for nothing. Simply put. WALA.

HAH. Kailangan kong huminga.

I am currently facing a dilemma. A dilemma that shouldn’t be one. I was ecstatic just some days ago. AS IN FINALLY!!!! There seems to be light... or atleast something worth it. Basta may SOMETHING!

And then in 1... 2... 3... KONTRA. Ang kasiyahan napalitan agad ng pag aagam-agam. At minsan ang pag aagam-agam ay nagiging sanhi ng sadyang pagkabalisa at ang pagkabalisa sa taong walang ginagawa ay madalas nagdudulot ng kalungkutan.

HAY. Isa pang mas malalim na hinga na may kasamang isang buhos ng pagmumuni muni.

Gusto ko. Gusto ko talaga. Kaya ko. Nararamdaman ko. Feeling ko. Paninindigan ko. PERO SIYEMPRE NAMAN... I need support. I need someone stable to tell me I can do it. That it’s feasible.

SURPRISINGLY, my mom said it’s ok. What’s new? My mom is my mom is my mom. If I ask her if I could fly to Iraq tomorrow she’ll give me the same answer, Kung gusto mo GO! My mom hardly, rarely says no. Although I know at the beginning she had BIG, HUGE-ASS apprehensions. Well ok, she was on the nay side instantly. Pero ngayon it’s bittersweet.

What’s more surprising? People whom I thought would atleast show support are blatantly disproving of the idea. Even giving me facts and statistics, why they are going against it.

ARGH! I get them ok. Hinga pa ko ule.

I don’t blame them for thinking otherwise because, come on! Everyone knows, I’ve been the baby for the longest time. Pampered, sheltered, always protected. Is it my fault? No. Is it my family’s fault? No. That’s just how it is.

But for me, since an opportunity is available, I want to try it. It’s to prove them if they are right or if I can prove them wrong. More importantly, I want to, NEED TO prove it to myself... na kaya ko!

Believe me! I get you. Natatakot din ako.

Pero mas nakakatakot kung hindi ko gawin to ngayon. Lalong lalo na ngayon dahil baka kung di ko to magawa ngayon, kelan pa?

photo aka: My sister's artwork.

Number 1 or Number 2

I have been constantly and fervently (whatever that means), no seriously, praying (!!!) for the good Lord to answer my prayers.

I have faith.

But I know sometimes my actions seem to lack of it.

And so I gave up... and just entrusted him with everything. No more planning me, no more visions of hopes and dreams.

Ended my wishful thinkings.

Stop daydreaming!

I let go. ... and no doubt been living with that decision. (Or maybe not?... not really.)

There are things that are just supposed to be left... left!

I accepted that things are meant to be out of my hands. And I have to stop trying to control them.

Touche.



And so now. He did answer. Or atleast gave a preview of it.

Just as I was trying to settle to the idea of a Number 2 option... I think Number 1 is just around the corner.

I am excited. ... But a little bit overwhelmed.

Should I stay or should I go? ( Sing with Parokya now...Bakit ang panget panget mow?)

A question I may (should) have the answer... but maybe a bit apprehensive to do so.

Once I take the plunge, I know I shall be in for a dive of my life! .... Yay!



LET'S GO INTERACTIVE:

I know I have about a handful (well I can count them with my post-new year-fireworks-fingers) readers and so I need all of you to comment.

Pick a number 1 or 2.

No questions, no judgements.

Further details: Available upon request. (truth and time will tell- Justin Bobby)

Photo aka: Spot the difference.

15 hours away from home.

Jetlagging is a state of mind. PERSONALLY. It’s never about time difference. Oh yes I am back, and yes, this is not said with enthusiasm but with sarcasm. Why did I go back? I do not know. I have mentioned it would have been utterly stupid to return before my birthday. And now here I am a few months or so away from Christmas... I have got to be kidding myself right. No just being dumb. TOTALLY IDIOTIC DUMB. Who leaves home and returns jobless to a dreaded place? I can now see my audience flashing the L sign on top of their foreheads. Come on baby do the locomtion...

The past couple of years I have been living n leaving, simply put, been surviving a nomadic life. What does that mean? I really don’t know! But let me try... I’ve been to several places in a span of 2 years. Was living at home one day then next thing I know I was leaving, shipped somewhere far, very very far. 18 hours away to be exact. Was I forced? or was it a choice? As I am the mother of contradictions... I think it's the latter.

FREEDOM. INDEPENDENCE. Oh such nice words but how nice are they in real life? PERSONALLY. Living halfway away from home, IT IS NOT WHAT I DREAMED IT TO BE. But then again, I have yet to move out move out. It’s a premature moving out, because maybe I did move out from home (VOLUNTARILY OR INVOLUNTARILY), but truth be told, I have always been living at sister’s or brother’s extra bedroom. In pinoy terms, brother’s or sister’s bed spacer, extended family at its best.

It is not a Filipino thing to move out. But zooming back, as a little gurl I was dreaming of moving out since I first got my first no-you-may-not-go-out-tonight from my parents. I planned it with friends, even set out a deadline, year 2005. Oh those were the days. Then I dreamed about it with someone, now that was promising! ... Oh moving on!

I was raised pinoy style aka very dependent... to my family, my friends, and even to our helps at home. Back at home I grew up thinking that we never have to eat, watch a movie, or anything that involves sitting down in public for more than 30mins ALONE. It made sense because you always have friends to meet up with, you always have family to go with you, or worst, you can always ask a help to go with you.

That’s what I thought, and look what it did to me now! HA HA HA.

Zoomed back to life, PRESENT ONE. When you’re somewhat forced to start from scratch in terms of family or friends aka a life, you just have to cut that crap! When the only family living close-by are but a handful or so, and when you can merely count old, old distant friends or consider colleagues as the friends... then kid! it’s time to embrace your lonesome independence.

As for me, yes I am learning SLOWLY. As I congratulate myself for being able to pull through writing this piece in my lonesome in a coffee shop as I wait for the bus to arrive. WOOT WOOT. This is a feat! A new beginning? Oh I hope so! Baby steps... no make that baby ants’ steps. Or maybe a tiny earthworm crawling through... crawling through people, crawling through! Hopefully soon really crawling on my own.