baking 101

It’s been a loong while since I last baked. Back at NY I used to bake in the winter nights because the heat from the oven was always something to look forward to when it’s snowing and breezy outside. I also had my two eager nieces then, jules and nina, to cheer me on and to “help” me, no matter what the outcome will be. But even then, we always just use to bake those batters from the grocery. You see here, there’s about a handful of those ready to bake batters. From brownies, to croissants, to biscuits, and ofcourse the ever so famous cookie dough. It seems like in here, everything is just ready and baking really meant that you have an oven at home.

Back at home, I used to bake when I have the blues. Baking and shoe shopping has always been a cure to chase those blues away. And since im anticipating a good thanksgiving sale this year, I am holding on to my shopping sprees and just settled to bake tonight.

And now! I have not been baking because a) I dont have my eager pamangkins here who will for sure be great fans of whatever I come up with. (Heck! Sometimes even with just the batter alone they are fine with that already!) b) I dont have my PG friends, who will always love me and my cookies no matter what and! c) I dont have LIINNNAAA here, so that means I do the baking and the cleaning up afterwards. Yep, all three put together, it’s all a no, no, and no thank you!

But since, I think WORK, family, and all those personal craps calls for it, I decided to use up the remaining of my weekend to bake just cause I dont want to do things I might regret later on… like buying something I dont need (ha! What did u think!)

Now, my horoscope said I should try something that’s unknown to me because then they will not turn out to be… drumroll please, known! (onga naman!) And so, taking inspiration from that, I tried on a new recipe. I decided on triple chocolate muffins! You see the hardest part about baking for me is the waiting part. Nevermind that we dint have an electric beater and that the hand beater that I used bailed out on me midway through the whole mixing process… what’s really the hardest part is those 15 or so minutes that you wait for the oven to do the miracle on your masterpiece.

So here goes batch 1.

Well I told you already, Jam kept on calling them brownies. I personally think (which ate ting agrees on) they looked like a ghetto version of kababayans.

Well batch 2 is a lil bit better, maybe because I dressed them up this time.

Don’t be fooled. It’s good! Hahaha ofcourse, id say that!

for the 1st time

I was sitting with Boogie today waiting for my brother’s 5:50 train. As I pulled on an empty spot I instantly spotted an anxious family as if wanting to pickup someone from an airport. Daddy leading the trail, seemingly very, very eager, mommy in tow, and then the front seat girls. All of them looking like a happy family, excited to see someone. For a while, they were off my eyes as they walked near the train tracks and I sat with Boogie. Like usual, as soon as I hear the train from afar I rush to get a closer spot near the track.

That’s when I instantly spotted the family again, all looking like restless dogs eager to get their treat. They were a nice sight in the midst of rushing yuppies and corporate peoples. And there I was thinking, they sure are excited because I was betting on them picking up someone from the San Diego train and it wasn’t there yet! But sure enough, Daddy started pointing from the other side. I follow their line of sight immediately to a gap on the train with people pouring out. I got it wrong, maybe they are waiting for someone from the same train as my brother. Daddy still being the leader that he was was in front of the pack, checking on schedules, looking around, walking around. He was very excited, very eager. They did divide and conquer, mommy went for the stairs, the sisters stayed looking on to the other side, and daddy in the middle as if getting ready for their mystery pick up person to appear from anywhere.

I missed to spot my brother as I was busy watching the family. And soon enough, their mystery pickup person appear from the crowd going the stairs. He was not hard to miss as you see his cheering squad from downstairs all beaming happy, waving proudly at him. I see a boy, looking like my brother, clad in office clothes, nothing special yet unique because of his loving family. I see their dad staying where he was standing as everyone rushed to greet the not-so-mystery pickup person. Mommy and sisters gave him hugs all gushing on him like he was a movie star (I double checked, no he’s not). And dad acting cool for a while (so typical, as if he wasn’t as excited as everyone!!!) and then gave him a hug and that nice father-son pat. Something I’ve always witness my dad do to my brothers.

My brother walked in in the middle of me being mesmerized with the family, with their daddy most especially. My kuya asks me who was there I reply no one I know as I wipe off a tear and zone back to life.

Amidst my long story, I realize right then and there one thing. I was jealous. For the first time in my adult life I realize something is missing in my life. Something I outright feel bad over not having. It’s not something tangible, not something attainable, not a toy, not a treat, not anything. I felt jealous, and I felt bad over not having a dad. Over not having MY dad.

Damn I miss my dad, so much.

SUMMER 08

I went with the flow and was bullied into watching a concert feeling half baked over it. Why? 1. I really dint like the guy that much, 2. Tickets seemed a bit overprice for him.

BUT!

I was surprise as soon as the lights were off and out came this guy…



HE WAS HOT. And F’in-ly AWESOME. He played the whole night switching between A LOT (well I really couldnt keep up with how many exactly) of guitars and oh! Singing also ofcourse!



Except for that little detail that he makes those really disturbing facial expressions the whole time he was playing, he was really, surprisingly AMAZING! He was a rock star and I dint even know it til then. I mean yeah I liked him after his first album, but he always just struck me as the guy you play on your car when your on the road but you dont really CRASH on him.

Well I dint go home that night CRASHING on him… well almost, especially on the part he took his top off and showed his bad ass body with matching tattoos!

I dint know he was A BAD BOY! Ha-ha!


And then...

I went to see this guy.



DAMN. I. Was. Disappointed. Except for rocking an all white outfit and his first few songs, then that’s it.



I went home boo-hooed! ONE WORD MAROON 5… Nothing Lasts Forever!!!

9/11

Things I miss.. SO MUCH!

1. I miss our AH di da tax tora days.
***Translation: it’s our way of soliciting piso coins from my dad before he leaves the house for work. Imagine me and my brother clad in our jammies following my dad from out of his room to the garage and just singing that. My dad was a tax guy so go figure why we used that term.
2. I miss it when someone gets the BIG talk. Or AKA, it’s when someone’s in trouble, and no matter what happens, dad almost always finds out right away no matter how big or small it is. And no matter how hard you try on pretending to be sleeping or busy with “school work” as soon as you hear dad’s car at the garage you better pray SMB is playing so you won’t get a whole night of TALK. And if you happen to be downstairs still and dad already “SUMMONED” the person in trouble, you better be running for your dear unless you want to have the extended version of the talk.
3. I miss our Sunday jollibee bfasts.
4. I miss going to church with the whole family.
5. I miss seeing my mom glow every after the peace be with you part because he gets a kiss and we dont!
6. I miss seeing mom happy because of just your presence.
7. I miss having to defend a month’s allowance and extracurricular fees just because your an accountant.
8. I miss how you tap your lap every after we pray the rosary and we sing Give Thanks.
9. I miss fighting over the sports section of the paper every morning.
10. I miss curfews and strict overly protected rules.
11. I miss our usual current events conversations because I learn A LOT MORE about it from you than anyone else.
12. I miss celebrating our birthdays together.
13. I miss all of your out of the blue pasalubongs that are well thought of and customized for each and every person in the family. All 12 of us, you get our type and likes to the last detail.
14. I miss your superly organized closet next to mom’s overflowing one.
15. I miss having a hard time going out or asking permission if I can or can not go.
16. I miss monitored and prescreened phone calls.
17. I miss watching PBA by your side.
18. I miss having ice cream for dessert just cos everyone’s at home or SMB won a game!
19. I miss getting a compliment over an aced exam… BEST EVER.
20. I miss family time, getting together to have a talk, to know what’s going on, to find out what the family is going through. To find solutions to have everything out in the open, just because we are a family.
21. I miss the thought that youre around and you always have the solutions and the answers.
22. I miss seeing you waiting at home after a nightout and til everyone’s safely at home.
23. I miss our annual christmas family portraits with everybody, with you most especially.
24. I miss spending christmas, birthdays, graduations, and all other occasions with you around.

9/11 will always be a marked date in everyone’s calendars because of the whole twin towers fiasco. But in my family, it will always be a big day for us because it is our daddy’s birthday.

We miss you dad dearly, now more than ever as we are going through some bumps on the road. I ask, like always, that everyone pray for my dad. And please, please, skip a

Silv25r

I started today with the littlest of expectations. I am (STILL!) after all celebrating the silver anniversary of that F’ful day when dear Carolina popped out daughter # 11. The day happen to fall on a Sunday so it is just a fitting day for the theme of the year. Going low key. Celebrating with family. A day for prayer and best of all… no work. Ha-ha!

Over the surprises, the drunk-ass nights, or the usual dance marathons that I have been used to celebrating this day with, I had different plans on mind. Well more like, I only planned on doing one thing for today. And that is to celebrate today because I am turning two five.

You ever wake up on your birthday and you just feel everyone’s eye on you? Or you feel that different-ish aura like your semi-floating and excited and just light. That youre just floating around… I feel that every year on my birthday. In fact, I remember there were birthdays when I dint like that feeling that much. I used to hate it when everyone sings happy birthday to you in class. I make a big deal out of my OWN birthday, but when other people make a big deal of it… I feel a bit uneasy to be honest.

This year, I am no longer the brat. Im no longer playing it’s-my-birthday-and-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to. I’m no longer pushing everyone out of the house just so I can have my friends to mess up the house. I’m no longer batting out birthday gift requests to my brothers and sisters. 25 means a clean slate. I remember I was in 3rd grade when my parents celebrated their silver anniversary wedding. And now, I am celebrating my own silver anniversary with just myself. Because this is me, myself, and I’s anniversary.

Clean slate doesnt mean I forget about everyone who’s been with me through all my 24 F’in years that I survived me. But just for this one day, I am just celebrating with myself because I FEEL like it.

*** But for everyone who poured me with drama-ish greetings and by just merely REMEMBERING that September 7 is justine day… YOU ROCK! And you made me feel very very loved. :)



Photo aka: the gang chowing on last minute bupet! Kudos also to my ever reliable sister -in-LOW for taking the pic!

9. 123 days... HUWUDAPTOT

There’s a cloud following me, bothering me at times and I can only blame September 7 for it. Damdatday!

OFW life (ofw, ocw, a&w, immigrant, hugh grant… who kers? It’s all the same banana!) translates to a non-existent life. You try to blend in as much as you can. You go with the flow til u loose ur mo’ flow. Basta you live just to live… so a birthday is just an ordinary day. Heck! At this part of the world, some people go to work on December 24… so what’s the deal huh! They dint invent scrooge or grinch here for nothing!

But like what I said, it has been bothering me, ONLY AT TIMES. I am fighting it. Really, really. Like right now, I’m half half, part of me is used to it already, part of me is sad. 

But I’m thinking… this year, I’m proclaiming all drama this early so that my day will be drama-free. 

I’ll start my drama mode on full blast now. Here goes…

This year is when I turn 25… who would’ve thought. Yeah the year of my WHO-WOULD-VE-THOUGHTS! 

Who would’ve thought... I’d still be here by now. Here as in here here location, and here here as in on earth. I’m ancient.

Who would’ve thought… I’d get a blue McBugie. Named after Bugay and Mc for MaCho.     And yes, it is blue… darkish, navyish, and sometimes greyish (thanks to the dust it accumulates from a nightly sprinkler wash) blue. 

Who would’ve thought… I’d be reaching places this early. WOOHOOO. 5, 55, 405… I’ve conquered them all, and more to come! Hahahaha

Who would’ve thought… I’d be celebrating 25 this way. Good or bad, who knows… we shall see.

Who would’ve thought… I’d still be hanging on til now. Who, what, why, when, where… COME ON BABY DO THE LOCOMOTION… 

When people go drama, they don’t make sense. So I dont blame you if you dont get this at all. Basta para saken, ito ay isang malaking drama. 

On some few days before my birthday… I really don’t know but there’s this feeling chasing me. I dont know whether to blame it on birthday jitters or for something else. But the feeling goes like this.

I feel different. I feel like something is BOUND to happen but I feel it from within me. I smell FREEDOM and feel something cooking up… SOMETHING ABOUT TO START. A part of me is looking forward but a part of me feels tied down. This is a new feeling, havent felt this in a while… and a big part of me is winning on holding on to that feeling. I feel like this is the beginning of the start of endings. I can’t describe it but whenever I say those words, it just describes how I feel. (no matter how redundant it may sound)

I feel it, but I don’t know how I should feel about it. I’m scared yet proud of myself. I’m sad yet looking forward to it. I’m waiting but I know that it shall end. 

I know the answer… I’m going bi-polar! Ha. Ha. Ha.

Who would’ve thought… I’d turn MAADD on 25. 

2nd chances...

I thought I saw my dad this morning. it was a surreal experience. I dint quite know whether to be happy about it or to be scared. to say that it was unexpected would be an understatement. it is a million times more than that.



It was a final destination experience. A truck suddenly just appears out of nowhere and comes rushing to crash into ours. It was 4D at its worst.


I am very thankful that me and my brother made it through this morning, unscratched and unharmed. There's a buzzing sound on my right ear that would not completely go away, it's as if to remind me that I made it through and that I'm still alive.



You know how people who's been through trauma and drama keeps on saying that every second counts and we have to make the most of everything cos we never know when it will be our last. This morning was a first hand experience of all that, and it really dint feel good. No BS... just make every moment count.


I was scared ... shocked... and maybe even traumatized. Sh*t happens... and thank God we made it.

mom's 60 plus plus plus (??)

my mom breezed through her MEGA (imagine 150 ++++ guests BUT!!! just in our home!) birthday celebration through her annual mom/lola summer trip here. and oh yes she survived through HK airport all by herself, mind you minus flight delays this time! and so we are very proud of her, a few more trips like that and we'd be ready to send her to go dora dora around the globe!

we were all looking forward to her trip and it was just the right time after our moved. and so, on her first weekend here, we decided that it's time that we open our new home to a handful of our relatives here and also celebrate mom's birthday. yes people, we have finally emptied out all the boxes, bought every single furniture and appliance that we need, and we have officially moved. oh yes, update your records my friends!

true to tradition, we let the bday celebrant cook for her bday. hahaha. well it also helped that a handful of our beloved suh-weeeet smelling fishes were smuggled successfully here from the philippines, and so with that in hand, we just had a few more to prepare. well make it, they had a few more to prepare.



it was a fun party and a gathering of all sorts. it's nice to finally just relax and eat at home... and then, as soon as we ushered the guests out (as we only committed to opening our house and the kitchen for lunch u know), we were ready for the real par-tei. videoke nights and jell-oh shots, bring them out!





now we sang the night away... but chase, our dear lil one learned or maybe invented a new trick. it was a videoke night but to him it was his "ingay" night. we teach this kid so many neat stuffs, like high five or gigil and our latest waving "para"... but this one, is self-learned.



and after a few songs, he just couldnt stop doing it!!!





it's just good to be around family!

It's my life.

I've always wondered (and partly scared) if I would live my life as momentous as how I hope it be. Or maybe as moment-full compared to those whose lives I follow.

My dad used to work his ass off just to go to school. Aside from that, he used to wash his uncles' cars in order to have a wee bit of money in order to survive living in the metro. On school days, he would go see his uncle to wash his car. But instead of doing it at home, he used to wait for him early in the morning by his uncle's workplace parking lot which happened to be across his university. And as if that's not enough, his dear uncle would not ask him to wash the car early in the morning, he'd make sure he'd avoid my dad in the morning and would let him wait around there the whole morning and just come out for lunch. Right when everyone's outside and in the scorching heat.

My mom on the other hand stayed in the province, not a simple life though. Yeah she stayed where her family was but no... she lived in another aunt's place, away from her mom and dad and away from her brothers and sisters. She lived under a tyrant's wing, waking up early in the morning to sell through different barrios on barefoot armed with her basketful of rice cakes. And afterwards, she was expected to go to school and ace everything cos she was after all lucky.


I was raised amongst humbling stories that will surely whack all the spoiled-ness in anyone.

Stories of hardships at home, stories of adjustments away from home, stories of tragedies, of angst, and a lot of hardships. Different stories, different faces, different times and eras... some may change through time, others just may vary, but if you look at it closely, most of them are just one and the same. They hurt and leave lasting effects on us... hurtful feelings that lasts from generation to generation.

I have been out of the loop for the past few months. Some partly because of chance or by choice. I am going through a lot right now. But there are good days... and the best of it all is that I am still getting by, and surrounded by family.

I use to wonder if I'd ever have humbling stories in life that I'll be able to share to my children and their children. I use to wonder and at the same time thank God because I lived a blessed life without much hardships. Yet now, I know life is happening and I am embracing them. I am thankful for these hardships because in a way I know I was waiting for them.

Life is happening now... and I am living my story.